Listen to me carefully you stupid bitch, cause I have a lot to tell you.

1. I am so sorry for you having all those venereal diseases and this fucked-up brain. Of course if you only have it.
2. I want you to know that I hate you the most and even if I ever told you about some my other enemy- I lied. I hate you the very most in the world. From the begging. So our friendship wasn't friendly at all. I used you, because I had a place to stay for the night. I could run away for a little from my house, where almost all the time there are things to do.

But I know that hating people and using them are wrong. And I know that I didnt used you that much then, could I saw it a lot differently. Now I just have to have an excuse, just to explain why we've been friends for such a long time. But the main reason was that you've been also friends with my other friends, so I needed you to do something fucked up, just to prove people wrong. I needed them to see what you really are, and that is- horny bitch, that can't loose a chance to get laid. Spoiled and self-centered hobbledehoy.

And even thought we're not speaking at all right now- I just can't stand looking at you at facebook page. I would like to delete you profile, but I know that that would mean war officialy. So I want you to do it eventually. I hope we won't have anything in common anymore.

According to my friendships. M. is making me more and more angry at her. There is no explanation why she haven't respond my message. I know she red it and she just didn't want to respond. I do same things sometimes, but I DO respond eventually. She did as well till now. I wanted her to come to my house for the night-- watching some movies, eating something good. But in this case I really have to think about it. I have a lot of arguments to start a war, but I think it's not worth it. And in the end she's unfortunately my only one the best friend in the college. So fuck me. I don't know what to do.

But so far so good, I have a meeting tomorrow with my friend, Mark. We are going doing some sports, but when I saw today that that fucked up bitch (from the first part) is now friends with one of his friends, I got mad. And I stared at the display as an idiot. I couldn't believe that they're parting together. I mean-- I knew he was in her part of the city at night to party, but I didn't even accuse she could be with them. Why haven't I thought of earlier, before I asked him to go tomorrow. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. And the funniest party is that my friend (from the center part) could be with them. If life is about such unexpected happenings, everything could have happen.

My God. I just can see it. That it's such weird. And I feel a little like an outcast, but I know I'm not. Martie would tell me if she would go for a party with that stupid bitch. At least I think so, which may be far from reality.

Haha, world is too weird. Xoxo hold on and don't let stupid bitches make your world go up in flames. Cause it's not.

I dont really know what to feel. Today I told my mum about my dilemmas, but I dont really think that she got what I meant. And as always I regret telling. I feel much better hiding things froom people, even from those who I trust the most.

Here I am, lingering on my love life again. I dont really understand myself sometimes. I have so many chances to have a buyfriend but I'm fissing as hell. And why is that, if I want to have a guy finally. I guess I'm not the only woman with such problems, but I hate it that by night my point of view is changing vastly. By day I'm like a closed flower, waiting for a perfect prince to make it open, no subtext. By night, I'm a wildfire, that is not scared of anything. I could go on a date with a random guy, I could kiss with a stanger and in my imagination I could do much more. But what is that? Is my brain some kind of monster that changes by the sunset. It's really hard to define it. But I feel some kind of a pain and loneliness because of being single for such a long time.

There's a progress with my body. But still-- hope for more. :) Xoxo

I found it really good that some of my projects get back to me for making a few corrections. Because of it I am sure that my knowledge is much bigger from those who somehow is slipping to the next semester. I have to admit that I'm pretty smart, cause in the end I end up learned and ready to pass the exams. I wouldn't be so sure if everyone of my colleagues could pass the exams on their own as I did.

Getting back to the subject of being fit- I am really proud of me, cause I lost a few pounds and I can fit in a lot of clothes.

Some people just shouldnt have kids- If a father is running away from home every time baby cries and if mother screams at a baby every time it stains its t-shirt. it's just wrong. People should think if they're mature and responsible and patient enough.

One other thing. I hate when I know that my friend saw my text message and still she's not responding. Fuck friendship like that. I am so happy that I agreed to go for a trip with my older best friend! So proud of my decision. Maybe daily friendships are not as strong as a barely long-distance friendships.

Wondering longer while.

Things that happened lately are weird and difficult somehow. I dont know how to deal with some things. There''s the image of one of the problem-- Ive been dating this guy, but I decided hes not for me. Everything would be just perfect if only he would be mature enough. I thought hes dealing really well with girls, but it seems its not that easy. He have this type of flirt and he thinks hes unbeatable. Well.. He is. And one day I'll show him. After me, he had two girlfriends. First- it was for about a week. I have a weird feeling I already wrote about it. Sorry if I repeat myself. But NOW he is with my ex best friend. Well, I could see it would come. She wrote on her facebook page that shes single again. And them after about a week or shorter they became a couple. She is okey, I mean, her face is hideous, but her body is well-trained. I have to admit. Cause my body is far from the perfection, but I catching up with my face. I'm not uncritical, but Im just honest, and Im honest about other people, so I should be with myself as well. So, thats all what really pissed me of.. Hope everything will be as it should soon.

Have you ever been in situation like mine? That you really wanted to be with a guy, but you knew you couldn't, because of what he did in the past and because of what people would say... Never EVER I havent been in such. And it's so heart breaking and frizzing. I wish I havent ever met him, or I rather wish he wouldnt do what he did. Imagine the worst thing your best friend could do with a guy you like. Of course she didnt knew it, but who did? Nobody cause I hided it deep in my heart and tried to lock it this time to not to feel humiliated when he would be with somobody else this time, and because of this strategy, everything what Ive been protecting myself from- just happened..

And yes, I know this blog was supposted to be about my goal, but with loosing weight, there comes a lot of things, that started to change in my life.. One of it is my love life, that happened to start exist. No crying, just a lot of new friends and handsome guys that I finally see in reach of my hands. A friend (the guy I mentioned already) that I could talk naturally with first time in a lifetime; a shy guy, that happens to came to me with a friend and his mine showed even more then a thousand words; Michael- that looked at my work today again, but she disappeared faster then he showed; Mike- a tutor from constructions. That stood up next to me, looked few times and stare. He never said 'hi'. So many friends, so little time, so many doors and so many ways, cause when the windows are closed, there are always doors.