Listen to me carefully you stupid bitch, cause I have a lot to tell you.

1. I am so sorry for you having all those venereal diseases and this fucked-up brain. Of course if you only have it.
2. I want you to know that I hate you the most and even if I ever told you about some my other enemy- I lied. I hate you the very most in the world. From the begging. So our friendship wasn't friendly at all. I used you, because I had a place to stay for the night. I could run away for a little from my house, where almost all the time there are things to do.

But I know that hating people and using them are wrong. And I know that I didnt used you that much then, could I saw it a lot differently. Now I just have to have an excuse, just to explain why we've been friends for such a long time. But the main reason was that you've been also friends with my other friends, so I needed you to do something fucked up, just to prove people wrong. I needed them to see what you really are, and that is- horny bitch, that can't loose a chance to get laid. Spoiled and self-centered hobbledehoy.

And even thought we're not speaking at all right now- I just can't stand looking at you at facebook page. I would like to delete you profile, but I know that that would mean war officialy. So I want you to do it eventually. I hope we won't have anything in common anymore.

According to my friendships. M. is making me more and more angry at her. There is no explanation why she haven't respond my message. I know she red it and she just didn't want to respond. I do same things sometimes, but I DO respond eventually. She did as well till now. I wanted her to come to my house for the night-- watching some movies, eating something good. But in this case I really have to think about it. I have a lot of arguments to start a war, but I think it's not worth it. And in the end she's unfortunately my only one the best friend in the college. So fuck me. I don't know what to do.

But so far so good, I have a meeting tomorrow with my friend, Mark. We are going doing some sports, but when I saw today that that fucked up bitch (from the first part) is now friends with one of his friends, I got mad. And I stared at the display as an idiot. I couldn't believe that they're parting together. I mean-- I knew he was in her part of the city at night to party, but I didn't even accuse she could be with them. Why haven't I thought of earlier, before I asked him to go tomorrow. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. And the funniest party is that my friend (from the center part) could be with them. If life is about such unexpected happenings, everything could have happen.

My God. I just can see it. That it's such weird. And I feel a little like an outcast, but I know I'm not. Martie would tell me if she would go for a party with that stupid bitch. At least I think so, which may be far from reality.

Haha, world is too weird. Xoxo hold on and don't let stupid bitches make your world go up in flames. Cause it's not.

I dont really know what to feel. Today I told my mum about my dilemmas, but I dont really think that she got what I meant. And as always I regret telling. I feel much better hiding things froom people, even from those who I trust the most.

Here I am, lingering on my love life again. I dont really understand myself sometimes. I have so many chances to have a buyfriend but I'm fissing as hell. And why is that, if I want to have a guy finally. I guess I'm not the only woman with such problems, but I hate it that by night my point of view is changing vastly. By day I'm like a closed flower, waiting for a perfect prince to make it open, no subtext. By night, I'm a wildfire, that is not scared of anything. I could go on a date with a random guy, I could kiss with a stanger and in my imagination I could do much more. But what is that? Is my brain some kind of monster that changes by the sunset. It's really hard to define it. But I feel some kind of a pain and loneliness because of being single for such a long time.

There's a progress with my body. But still-- hope for more. :) Xoxo

I found it really good that some of my projects get back to me for making a few corrections. Because of it I am sure that my knowledge is much bigger from those who somehow is slipping to the next semester. I have to admit that I'm pretty smart, cause in the end I end up learned and ready to pass the exams. I wouldn't be so sure if everyone of my colleagues could pass the exams on their own as I did.

Getting back to the subject of being fit- I am really proud of me, cause I lost a few pounds and I can fit in a lot of clothes.

Some people just shouldnt have kids- If a father is running away from home every time baby cries and if mother screams at a baby every time it stains its t-shirt. it's just wrong. People should think if they're mature and responsible and patient enough.

One other thing. I hate when I know that my friend saw my text message and still she's not responding. Fuck friendship like that. I am so happy that I agreed to go for a trip with my older best friend! So proud of my decision. Maybe daily friendships are not as strong as a barely long-distance friendships.

Wondering longer while.

Things that happened lately are weird and difficult somehow. I dont know how to deal with some things. There''s the image of one of the problem-- Ive been dating this guy, but I decided hes not for me. Everything would be just perfect if only he would be mature enough. I thought hes dealing really well with girls, but it seems its not that easy. He have this type of flirt and he thinks hes unbeatable. Well.. He is. And one day I'll show him. After me, he had two girlfriends. First- it was for about a week. I have a weird feeling I already wrote about it. Sorry if I repeat myself. But NOW he is with my ex best friend. Well, I could see it would come. She wrote on her facebook page that shes single again. And them after about a week or shorter they became a couple. She is okey, I mean, her face is hideous, but her body is well-trained. I have to admit. Cause my body is far from the perfection, but I catching up with my face. I'm not uncritical, but Im just honest, and Im honest about other people, so I should be with myself as well. So, thats all what really pissed me of.. Hope everything will be as it should soon.

Have you ever been in situation like mine? That you really wanted to be with a guy, but you knew you couldn't, because of what he did in the past and because of what people would say... Never EVER I havent been in such. And it's so heart breaking and frizzing. I wish I havent ever met him, or I rather wish he wouldnt do what he did. Imagine the worst thing your best friend could do with a guy you like. Of course she didnt knew it, but who did? Nobody cause I hided it deep in my heart and tried to lock it this time to not to feel humiliated when he would be with somobody else this time, and because of this strategy, everything what Ive been protecting myself from- just happened..

And yes, I know this blog was supposted to be about my goal, but with loosing weight, there comes a lot of things, that started to change in my life.. One of it is my love life, that happened to start exist. No crying, just a lot of new friends and handsome guys that I finally see in reach of my hands. A friend (the guy I mentioned already) that I could talk naturally with first time in a lifetime; a shy guy, that happens to came to me with a friend and his mine showed even more then a thousand words; Michael- that looked at my work today again, but she disappeared faster then he showed; Mike- a tutor from constructions. That stood up next to me, looked few times and stare. He never said 'hi'. So many friends, so little time, so many doors and so many ways, cause when the windows are closed, there are always doors.

Today I thought I'll loose myself. That what happens when your best friend tells you she misses the other friend- actual enemy. She is not that disgusted of her lifestyle, that brought her lately venereal disease. That's hideus. I'm angry at her, because she acts (my BF) like she'd like to be friends with her (enemy) again. What would be a huge misunderstanding and total lack of intelligence. Whatever she might do in the close future, I mean being those huge friends again, I won't be involved, cause I promised to myself, that I will never be friends with that stupid bitch. Sorry for my language, but in this case, this is the most appropriate one. Xo

This weekend was amazing. I mean-- my friends and family, it all was in peace, no bad feelings, no regrets, only laugh and being so patience instead. And what's more, I am skinnier and skinnier every day:) I have a boy on my mind, no like 'all the time, but I think of him from time to time and smile like this unconsciously:>.

For some of you it may seem ridiculous and completely weird, that my main reasons for loosing weight is not me to feel comfortable. Of course this is one of the basics, but why I really do it is  to have a chance with a guy. Not for this one, but for all of the boys that are interested in me. I see that it makes me unbelievably happy when someone is looking at me and blushes. Actually which girl doesn't like it? Everyone likes to be the prettiest, the most popular and wanted, even those who pretend they don't. They just don't feel accepted and try to show the world that they're totally comfortable with it.

Going futher..- this day was kind of okay. It started with a little problems with my ex-friend. But even it at the end happened to move into a direction I didnt expect. I spend few hours with a guy I used to love (probably). Now we're friends and we are so comfortable with each other, as no one else does. We are totally okay about making bad jokes about each other. This was something between being friends and flirt. So awesome. But! This is not what I wanted to write about. For some time I wanted to fall in love and there it is. Today this guy appeard. Again. He's few years older then me, he's tall, pretty, he have this hair, nose and eyes. He have a braces, but it doesnt affect me at all. His smile and this caring thing of his is just awesome.  He stood up behind my back and was so excited about my project and the way it was designed. First thing that makes me like a guy is a bit of care and straight conversation. Amazing guy, trully.

My new motivation to get slimmer.

Her story was like going thought shadow. Making every step she was wondering where it’ll take her. She though of every step as an important moment of her life. And then, there it was. She found her self going around every time, somebody tried to get to her. Like this time in the summer 2011 or like this time when she made a BBQ for a couple of friends and she also invited a guy that she loved the most. He tried to get to her in the garage, when they’ve gone for a next bottle of vine. He was trying to kiss her, but she didn’t respond. He might have been confused and lost. He never tried again and she lost the moment and lost a guy. Then the summer was over and she forgot about a date-guy. By the time she heard about his girlfriend- she became jealous, cause she lost the only admirer of her. And when it all came to nothing, the guy had appear. He wasn’t her type, he want her age, he wasn’t her style and she wasn’t that brave. But she said to herself to give him a chance, even if it would be nothing, she have to wait to see, what it should be. Maybe this little conversation will change into a friendship, relationship or whatever. She saw him as a friend, but he treat her as a queen, that needs a king. And the story was written again and she was wondering what if, she’ll be open-minded and herself this time. So she was. And there’s the beginning of the changes, that should have been done a while ago.

Making all those changes is not only about getting fitter each day. My weight loss is defined also by my emotional condition. Which right now is pretty low. If not Martin, who keeps me feel interesting, I couldnt cope with my barely-boyfriend being together with my ex-bestfriend. After our memorable date, he had two girlfriends. The first one was with him about a week. And I think that girl might have been same as I. Christy is a family kind of a girl, as he is and that's why they may be well-tuned. Only the time will show.

The second thing- MORE INTERESTING and TO THE POINT:

I'm really proud of myself today. After the lectures I was about to go back home, but there was this idea that came to my mind. I thought that I haven't been in McD for a while and I can eat something there once for few months. But when I drove my way to McD I though of my goals and my efforts for several weeks- not eating bread and high-fat food. Well. After eating those things, I might broke my EVERY rule and I would do nothing but regret it. I imagined myself sitting alone in the car and eating those trushes like a fat pig and saw my mouth being dirty for mayonaisse and feel like crap after that. And of course I would pay for being fatter once again. Do I really want to spend my money for being bigger and bigger. I could save this money and buy myself a carnet for a gym. Much better idea, don't u think? And aint you pround of me, as I am? Cause I've always been greedy and it was hard for me to say no to food EVER. Theres some changes. My life is about appearances from now on and eating is just a devil, that makes me the other way round. 

Xo

Reasons

Well, today I ate a lot of a bad things. I might have ate also a lot of sweets. I regret it so much, but I couldn't help myself. The only good news is that I havent ate bread or drink that Coke, that lay down there in the kitchen and screams to me to drink it:D Well I dont even feel like drink it.

<-- That's my goal, yeah thats it! And the main reason Im trying to get fit is not any guy, cause I probably have one right now, but its about her. This little bitch that I hate the most. She thinks shes the best, the smartest and pretties, but no.. Shes the little dwarf, that has a face as an old, UGLY, lady. I heard from my gay-friend, that guys thinks she have a nice ass and legs, but well.. if theyll compare her with me after summer, there would be no doubts. I'll win the quiet war and the gain her imagine crown:D Xoxo Keep your fingers crossed for loosing my FAT, haha Xo:*

Today I ate for breakfast some oatmeal, few grapes and I'll drink a LOT of water, cause this is a basic thing if you want to get fit. Eating like this and not eating bread or sweets- I can finally fit in my beloved sweater. Imagine how great it was for today, to wake up, go to the mirror, see the barely flat stomach and try on some cloth to wear to go downstairs (cause I hate to walk around my house in just a pajamas. So it made me feel much better and motivated me to work harder:)

And there's a vision of myself in about 4months:)

Getting started

I refused to eat bread and sweets. I refused to drink sweet drinks like Coke, Sprite, juices.. I only drink water or red, green tea or eat everything else. I just started about two weeks ago, just like that spontaneously. I am very proud of myself cause I can see the difference ride away. I can fit in my little shorts that I bought few years ago, hopefully to wear them in a month. I was that weak, that I've never fit in them before. So this blog will be all about my changes, my motivations and IF you want to see my progress, please check out my page from time to time. If you won't ever be back, it's okey. I got it:)

So cheers to all of you, who read this post and hope for you to have some lesson from my experience:) xo